Monday, December 29, 2008

still searching for peace with fms

I haven't blogged much lately as I'm feeling pretty discouraged and I don't want this blog to just be about complaining, which seems to be all I'm doing lately. This disease is just so damn frustrating, and I'm really struggling with it right now.

A few months ago I had approached my doctor about getting some help with weight loss and her suggestion was for me to have a sleep study so we could find a way to improve my fatigue level, which in turn would help me be able to do more physically. Well I finally had that study this past weekend. It was what seemed like a very long night for me and I was thinking that they were going to ask me to come back again because I didn't sleep enough to get an accurate study. So the big surprise was that when I met with the doctor the next morning she said I actually slept like 94% of the night! Yikes! I don't know how to explain this and she looked at me like I was nuts...but I'm in a constant state of half awake half asleep. I can tell you all about them clearing the roads outside during the night, about the tech chatting on the phone in the next room, about how the tech was hooking up a cpap to the other patient next my back was hurting so I tried to sleep on my side, but my legs hurt so I switched to the other my mind wouldn't stop running so I just said the serenity prayer over and over and over again in my head. I was soooo exhausted after the study I was falling asleep waiting for the doctor...I went home and slept for 4 hours that afternoon and then went to bed at 7:30 pm and slept until 9:00 the next morning. So I ask you? how do their readings show that I slept normally???? It doesn't make sense. Oh and the other thing...they also diagnosed me with a new condition...PLMD "periodic limb movement disorder" which is basically like a milder form of restless legs syndrome and with that new diagnosis of course, comes yet another medication.

I'm feeling pretty dejected and lost at this point. What do you say when for the most part the test was normal and I'm almost asleep on my feet? I have another appt. with my family doc next monday to discuss this and by then hopefully the meds will kick in and help me not be disrupted by my legs jumping around all night. Hopefully! I'm to the point that I'm very seriously considering weight loss surgery. I'm on meds for reflux and high BP and I can't seem to get my weight down because i'm in so much pain...maybe if I could get surgery and get my weight down that would help with getting off at least 2 of my meds and getting moving a little easier and with less pain. I just don't know...but i'll talk to my doc about it all.

So while this post isn't a rant it certainly isn't all that positive either, but reality is that this IS my life with fibromyalgia, and until I can find some better alternatives to improve my health I'll have to find a way to make my peace with it...

still searching for peace....