Thursday, July 31, 2008

Home from surgery

So I had my surgery yesterday and was able to come home this morning. I felt really icky last night in the hospital, but by this morning I was up and walking on my own....whew. I'm not having too much neck pain, but my throat is sore and starting to swell some.

I was able to sleep this afternoon in my own bed which sure was nice, but i woke up pretty stiff. So I'll probably spend tonight in a recliner.

That's all for now....i'll keep you all posted though!


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

How very cool!

It's sooooo nice to have people checking in and leaving comments on my blog! Thanks guys! As all of you know, it can be alot of work keeping up a blog and my main goal is to open a dialogue so that people out there with these chronic diseases don't feel so alone.

All have you have helped me feel not so helpless. Sometimes I feel like I'm just putting my deepest thoughts out there and people read, but don't comment...then I start to doubt what I'm saying and doing....I really REALLY appreciate all of you out there who read my blog and comment on it....and all of you who support me with this means the world to me.!

So my husband gets home Friday, and then his surgery is on Monday YIKES! I felt bad because he said that he felt like he couldn't show me if he has pain after surgery because he doesn't want me to worry about what lies ahead for me...we truly are in a unique situation. While I love the fact that he's thinking about me, it's important that he gets what he needs during the 9 days between our two we'll have to really work on that.

We're trying to focus on having some quality time together and with our son, where we can play games, watch movies, and just hang out. My in-laws will be here for a week shortly after I get out of the hospital, so that will certainly help us out alot, and of course I know that our son is always happy to help out too. From what I've heard the recovery is reasonably pain free so the key will just be getting help lifting groceries and will be interesting that is for sure!

lol....right now I'm choosing to laugh, for fear of'll see how that holds up in a week or two.
Again thanks sooooo much for all of your support!


Thursday, July 10, 2008


So I'm feeling a little better than I was when I last posted, but I still have to say I'm pretty shit scared of this surgery. I know that it's relatively routine, but I've always had a hugely unrealistic fear of breaking my neck, and now a doctor is going to be cutting, removing disks, and messing with vertebrae all that are impinging on my spinal cord....ick.

Not to mention the fact that they access your spine through the front of your neck, which means they have to push aside your esophagus and trachea....i'm not too wild about any of this....but I've got lots of time to get used to hopefully I'll gain even more perspective.

As for the fibro???? the stress of all this medical crap has pushed me into a huge flare...ick. I hurt like hell, and I haven't slept more than about 6 hours total in the last 4 least it's almost the weekend and I will hopefully will be able to relax and get some sleep on my days off.

until this weekend......


Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Better sharpen that knife there doc!

So yup, you guessed it is for me! The doctor wants me to have the surgery next week, however as our crazy life would dictate, my husband is having the exact same surgery except his injury includes several discs, on July 21st....soooooo....I'm probably going to have surgery the week after him, if we can swing it.

Now the intellectual, trying to keep perspective me, says "go with the flow, don't fight what you can't change" "it is what it is"....but WTF did I do in a previous life to deserve this crap???? I really need to vent for a minute here. I'm trying my best to slog through every crappy ass day with the fibromyalgia, even trying to change it into something positive in my life...but it feels like I just keep getting shit upon! My husband included. Every time we get to a point that we feel like we've made it through the crisis and our heads are above water, some sick s.o.b. decides to throw another wrench in the works and back to drowning we go! Isn't it enough that one of us has to have surgery? Apparently not! We both need to have it, and we're not talking a minor scrape or cut...we're talking spinal cords here. Man this sucks! Not exactly what I envisioned my life being...I'm totally aware that life is nothing but ups and downs...but I'm done with being sick and injured and broken and in need of 65 medications, while seeing 3 different doctors and trying to juggle all these appts and meds and work and marriage and parenthood and oh ya squeeze a life somewhere in there, when my fibro allows.

I know I'm just being bitter, but I think I'm allowed to vent and feel sorry for myself for one night before I suck it up and deal with the shit hand I've been dealt. Where can I vent if not here? I wanted to show what it's like to live with a chronic illness, well it sucks, not because my life is anymore difficult than anyone else's, but because I have the same trials and tribulations on top of feeling completely beat. You win life! I give....."uncle" I say...."uncle".

Argh...this is so frustrating! Now I run the gauntlet of letting everyone know what's going on, and I just am not up to it right now. This sounds totally perverse, but I was looking forward to being able to help my husband with his recovery, and in some tiny way, pay him back for all the times, he's helped me with my fibro, which, let's face daily. Now I'll be available for a week and then we'll be commiserating together....If it's not one thing it's another.

So what now???? I suck it up and turn to all the tools that I've learned to deal with this crap! I focus on living in this moment, and this moment only. I'm not doing anyone any good by getting caught up in the past or the future. I also need to just let it go. "it is what it is" and nothing more than that....sigh.....sigh.....deep that's just what I'll do.

Reading this, I sound like I have multiple personalities....and partly I do. There's that part of me that is soooo resentful at being sick, I just wanna scream....but the other part of me that knows I have to survive, tells me to just get over it and move forward.....
Maybe another night of no sleep will help me get better perspective....lmao...yes that's a statement oooozing with sarcasm...

I'm just gonna shut up now....and go focus on something else....I wish I had something better to offer, but here is where I am....and that also, is what it is.....


Sunday, July 6, 2008

An actual diagnosis!!!!

Who'd a thunk it???? I finally after all these months/weeks have been diagnosed with a "slipped disc" in my neck. No....there is NO problem with my shoulder, barring the fact that my disc has slipped into the space where my spinal cord should be and is pressing on the nerve that apparently runs thru my back and shoulder. Who Knew????

Even though it took forever, at least now I know what I'm dealing with. The doc I had been seeing was a shoulder guy, so he's referred me to one of his partners who is apparently a "neck guy". So I see this neck doctor on Tuesday. By the sound of it, I'm headed for surgery, but you never know, this new doc might have some new fangled way of fixing this problem non-invasively. I'll keep you all posted.

Lucky for me the celebrex is still working and I'm not in much pain. My fibro though has been keeping me from getting any restful sleep for the past few nights, so even though it's only 7:30, I'm off to bed to hopefully read myself into a blissful nights sleep. LMAO as if???? Not so much with fibro, but it sounds sooo good!

When I first went to see my family doc for my shoulder (aka neck), I was asking her about what I can do to get my energy at least to a point where I can workout, in some small way. She suggests that once I get my shoulder (aka neck) figured out, that she is going to send me for a sleep study as she's seen some promising treatments out there to help fibromites the deep restorative sleep that we soooo lack, so I'm also looking forward to that. It's a downhill sleep leads to increasing exhaustion, which leads to increased pain, which leads to an inability to sleep, which leads to exhaustion=pain=no see where I'm going with this. You throw fibrofog on top of all that and you have one cranky, non-thinking, exhausted, barely functioning person....and it's beginning to feel like that's a good day for me....sigh....

One thing at a time, has to be my focus. I can't spend today's "spoons" worrying about tomorrows "potential" for tonight it's off to my comfy bed, with my comfy pillows, and my furry dogs to keep me warm! I'd complain that my husband is away at work...but for tonight, no snoring and a king size bed to myself, sounds pretty darn nice!

night all