Friday, December 21, 2007

It's been awhile....I know....

So somehow life gets busy and I let time slip by without writing anything. The question I have is where does the time go???? Christmas is in 4 days for crying out loud....YIKES! I can't even tell you what I've been doing, I'm sure it was highly industrious though....not.

I have 10 days off over Christmas and I'm soooo excited. I can't even remember the last time I had that amount of time off. My husband is home from work, he works 2 weeks away and then spends 2 weeks home. So we get to spend some much needed time on our own for a week before he goes back to work. Once he leaves I'll have 3 glorious days on my own, which is VERY overdue. It's nice just to have time to recharge and not have to worry about anything. Stay up late and sleep in late, that's my kind of holiday.

I've been really achey the last week or so...not sure why, there probably isn't even a reason, fibromyalgia does what it wants when it wants so I'm just trying to roll with it. I don't like having to increase my pain meds though. I'm lucky that I only take Tramodol, which is non narcotic and non habit forming. I can also augment it with Tylenol...which has been pretty standard over the last few days. I find this stuff comes and goes, I'm just glad I've been off for the last 2 days, cuz it's awfully hard to concentrate with radiating pain all over. My in-laws gave us a heated mattress pad for has individual controls on each side MAN LET ME TELL is truly's like a giant heating pad. I've spent an hour each of the last three days just laying on the bed with it cranked on high, it really really helps. not to mention the fact that it's so very cool to get into a nice warm bed on a cold winter night.

I highly recommend one for anyone out there, fms or's my new favorite toy.

Not much else to say, i'm not feeling overly chatty or inspired today, so I guess I'll wrap up this entry and catch ya later!


Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I haven't written much lately, primarily because I've been dead dog tired. I go through flares with this disease, and apparently I'm in one right now. The pain has, for the most part, been manageable with meds....but tired????? oh man it's been a killer. It was to the point this morning that I had to turn the heat off in my jeep on the way to work, for fear that I couldn't stay awake. Let me tell you folks, I only have about a 10 minute drive. It's totally crazy, cuz I sleep a good 8 to 9 hours and I wake up completely exhausted. And no for those of you who are wondering, I'm not oversleeping.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before but people with fms suffer ALOT from being exhausted. Our bodies don't enter the restorative stages of sleep and thus can't heal themselves and sucks so much to wake up and feel more tired than when you went to bed the night before.
It makes concentrating during my work day a the people at work can laugh it off with me. Even that though, is a double edged sword. The main 3 people know that I have fibromyalgia, but they don't really know what that means, and they seem uncomfortable to ask. I haven't really broached it with them because I don't 1. want to push it on anyone, but 2. and more importantly for me, I don't want to sound like I'm whinning, complaining, or even making excuses. That's one of the big pitfalls with fms, is we don't LOOK sick in the least so people don't believe that we really are suffering. I think too, at least in my case, I get good at trying to keep up appearences and then just collapse when I get home, which isn't very healthy either.

It's quite a balancing act that I've gotten myself into. You can sense when people feel uncomfortable when you're talking about the disease, but on the other hand I want to increase awareness at the same time. So for right now anyways my tactic is to explain it if asked....or like now have a very personal tattoo that keeps me strong, but also allows for some sort of dialog when someone asks about it. But as predicted I'm a work in progress, and the struggles that fibro makes me face everyday, are ever fluctuating and changing. As are as evidenced here, my emotions and feelings toward this damn disease. For right now, anyways, I'm reasonably comfortable with how I'm dealing with and coping with the disease in my everyday life...but go figure....nothing stays static! poop!

that's my thought for today....may you all have a wonderful day !


Sunday, December 2, 2007

New symptom/different twist?

So yesterday, for the second time in a couple of months, I woke up feeling super stiff and sore. Now with fibro I always wake up sore, but this feels like what happens when you workout waaaaay too hard and all your muscles have been taxed to the max. It's truly a different twist on the disease for me. Normally my pain is a radiating pain in my legs mostly, but also my shoulders and neck. this new pain is every single muscle in my body! Like honestly, and I feel dumb saying this, but my fingers and toes are quite painful, even my facial muscles...and it just happens out of the blue. Today it's there a little bit, but nothing like yesterday. I don't know how to avoid it, since I haven't done anything out of the ordinary, so I've just used these days as a day to do a little self care and focus on me for awhile....hmmm that part of it isn't so bad.

As I'm typing this I'm wondering if it sounds like I'm always complaining, cuz that's honestly not my intent with this blog. On the other hand this disease is relentless and it's ALWAYS present in some way shape or form. My wish is to capture these moments when they happen so that those who are fortunate enough to not have this disease, can get a glimpse into what it's like to live with fms....and two that other fibromites cand hear, see, feel that they are not alone. We all have commonalities, even if the only common thread is that fms is completely unpredictable.
does any of this make sense? This is kind of like having a conversation with myself...which isn't all bad for me....but yikes now people have a glimpse into what goes on in my mind! lmao....scarey isn't it....insert gasping laughter here....

Migraines have been another concern for me lately (yes I'm jumping all over the place)....I've had some of the worst of my life! I've started working out at the hospital, and I'm hoping that will help relieve some of this mysterious pain...and cut down on the migraines. Nothing like blinding head knock you right out. i'm jumping all over....and seem to be having a hard time communicating any logical sequence of thoughts....not sure why...but the fog is ever present today....which yes is another symptom....jump....bounce....jump.....hey look a turtle.....jump....bounce.....ok enough is enough.