Saturday, August 28, 2010

and life continues on....

Even with my best intentions, it's been a month since my last post....where oh where does the time go????

It has been a VERY hectic and stressful month. Life at home has been rather crazy with my husband and step-son. My step-son has not been well for some time now, and we have ended up with him living away from home and just coming home on weekends. This situation in and of itself is a huge blow and change to our family...but it has created many added stressors for my husband and I. On top of that, as some of you know my husband works 2 weeks out of town and is home for 2 weeks, so only having him around half the time gets tough.

With all of this going on, my fibro has definitely started to flare. It's especially bad when my husband is home, due to the stress in our relationship. It's hard to focus on what needs to be done and worked on when I'm exhausted and in pain! Then I get resentful because I can see the immediate negative response of my body when we are together....this is a tough one for me to sort out. Our family is in crisis...and because of that my fibro is in crisis. Thank god I'm on savella, or I don't know how bad off I'd be...bed bound is my guess.

So right now I'm just trying to take care of myself, and the baby. I've spent the last year trying to make things work out for my husband, and step-son, and clearly the toll that that has taken on my body and psyche is no longer acceptable. It's hard to find balance with this disease, since it's so relentless when we get stressed. I'm working really hard at not being resentful towards those who cause me stress....I'm trying to take the situation for what it is, and work with it, as opposed to fight it. I'm used to always trying to fight for control, and my fibro has taught me, how detrimental to my self that is....I can no longer continue to try and be everything for everybody. I need to focus on me and husband and step-son will always have my love and support, but I can no longer be the "fixer" for them or the "organizer" for them...they have to learn to do these things for themselves.

Unfortunately with me changing the family dynamics that drastically, the backlash has been great. How to stay healthy and sane in an insane and out of control situation????? hmmm that is the question. I need to figure out a way to not be debilitated by my disease when the crap hits the fan.....I'm just not sure how to do that as of yet.....any ideas are very much welcome....

hanging in there!