Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hellooooo all

Wow it's the middle of November already, can you believe it? Celebrated my 41st birthday with my husband and two kiddos last week and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was nice and quiet, but having the 4 of us all together for the evening was just what the doctor ordered.

I really don't have much new going on since my last post. I continue to try and manage the stress of daily life, and all that comes with it. Our weather has gotten significantly colder and I notice I sleep less and less when the weather is cold. The good thing is that my pain has been pretty good over the past couple of weeks.

In late December I'm going to help my old job out for a couple of months to help out with maternity and surgery leaves. I will work pretty much full time for January and February and then just on-call to cover vacations etc. after that. While it will be nice to have the extra pay, and get out of the house a bit, I'm pretty nervous about the whole idea. I'm really scared that when my hubby isn't home, it's going to really take a toll on my body....trying to care for a 6 month old and working full time...and then having my son home on the weekends....but it's time limited, and that needs to be my focus. I'm not really sure if this is the best decision or not right now...but it will help out financially and like I said it's only a couple of months. I can do anything for 2 months....that would appall me to do for a lifetime????? right????

we will see....sigh

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

long week

Well it's been a long week! Winter has definitely arrived in Alaska, and I'm feeling woefully unprepared for it mentally. I can already see the decline/change in my health.

Also feeling the impact of a lot of losses this week. I've lost some key pillars that I relied on in my life over the last year, and when I'm on my own, with a struggling teen and an infant I have no experience with, I feel pretty overwhelmed. Some of those pillars were people and some were ideals that I had on how things would play out under certain circumstances....I guess either way they are losses.

So colder weather and mental stress always triggers the fibro. Still not sleeping well, and feeling more pain because of it. It's like a vicious circle, when one thing falters it becomes a horrible snowball effect that leaves one exhausted and in pain. It's a lot harder to keep positive during these times....the good part is, that even though I feel poopy, I'm still better off now on the new meds than I guess it could always be worse right?

cup half full and all that :0)


Friday, October 22, 2010

the fibro continues

I know I should have updated sooner, but my doc appt was postponed. All in all things went well, however, and as per usual I let my mind get the best of me. She feels that the joint issues are all part of the fibro, and unless I start getting swelling or pain not associated with caring for Emma...then I'm just fine.

I think part of the issue is that before I was on Savella, I was in so much muscle pain, i didn't really notice the joint pain, and now that the muscle pain is greatly reduced, I feel more of the other fms symptoms.

Been having lots of trouble sleeping lately, and I'm feeling like my old friend fibromyalgia is settling in again after the reprieve of pregnancy. I guess that's just the way it is. Really trying to keep physically active, which is always hard when you're tired, but I know that the payoff is worth it.

I've noticed alot of touch sensitivity lately...does anyone else notice that. We have a super soft blanket on our bed, and I bought it because it was so comfy...but when my fibro is rearing it's ugly head...I can't bear to touch's too soft and it gives me the worst feeling ever.....weird huh

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

new symptoms?

Thanks folks for the comments and emails/FB replies to my last post...I truly value all the support that you have given to me.

Things on the home front are slowly getting better...which has allowed me to get more in touch with my feelings and how my health is being affected by all of the drama. I've noticed recently that a lot of my joints are really bothering me/feeling strained. I'm not sure what that's about. My fibro has only ever affected my this is new for me. When I cough or sneeze I get a long lasting wave of pain through all my joints literally. Also I seem to have random pain/strain attacks in my joints. Ongoing my left elbow has been killing me...but also my right knee and ankle will just out of the blue become super painful, almost as if electric shocks are going through day going up the stairs my ankle got so bad I couldn't even walk on it, and had to resort to a cane for a couple of days and now it randomly hurts when I put weight on it...put it's totally random and short lived. My right wrist also goes through periods of feeling like it's sprained, kind of like my elbow. I've also had some trouble with my's totally weird.

I see my doc on the 30th so we will see what she thinks...part of me thinks maybe it's a side effect of the new Savella I'm taking...which would suck since it's helped the rest of my FMS soooo much...but then a darker side of me worries I'm developing something else like arthritis or's never good to sit with these thoughts for too I'm trying to patiently wait until I see the doc.

In the meantime I'm trying to keep physically active, eat right, sleep well, and continue my counselling to deal with emotional stuff....that's the best one can do for now.

lots of love to all of you! Thanks for being my Peeps!


Saturday, August 28, 2010

and life continues on....

Even with my best intentions, it's been a month since my last post....where oh where does the time go????

It has been a VERY hectic and stressful month. Life at home has been rather crazy with my husband and step-son. My step-son has not been well for some time now, and we have ended up with him living away from home and just coming home on weekends. This situation in and of itself is a huge blow and change to our family...but it has created many added stressors for my husband and I. On top of that, as some of you know my husband works 2 weeks out of town and is home for 2 weeks, so only having him around half the time gets tough.

With all of this going on, my fibro has definitely started to flare. It's especially bad when my husband is home, due to the stress in our relationship. It's hard to focus on what needs to be done and worked on when I'm exhausted and in pain! Then I get resentful because I can see the immediate negative response of my body when we are together....this is a tough one for me to sort out. Our family is in crisis...and because of that my fibro is in crisis. Thank god I'm on savella, or I don't know how bad off I'd be...bed bound is my guess.

So right now I'm just trying to take care of myself, and the baby. I've spent the last year trying to make things work out for my husband, and step-son, and clearly the toll that that has taken on my body and psyche is no longer acceptable. It's hard to find balance with this disease, since it's so relentless when we get stressed. I'm working really hard at not being resentful towards those who cause me stress....I'm trying to take the situation for what it is, and work with it, as opposed to fight it. I'm used to always trying to fight for control, and my fibro has taught me, how detrimental to my self that is....I can no longer continue to try and be everything for everybody. I need to focus on me and husband and step-son will always have my love and support, but I can no longer be the "fixer" for them or the "organizer" for them...they have to learn to do these things for themselves.

Unfortunately with me changing the family dynamics that drastically, the backlash has been great. How to stay healthy and sane in an insane and out of control situation????? hmmm that is the question. I need to figure out a way to not be debilitated by my disease when the crap hits the fan.....I'm just not sure how to do that as of yet.....any ideas are very much welcome....

hanging in there!


Saturday, July 31, 2010 computer is up and running again!

I have had my computer in the shop forever!!!! But as you can see it's back up and running, and I am back up and blogging...yay me!

Sooo much has happened in the last 2+ months. Little Emma is the most amazing thing ever...she's close to 12lbs now and we just moved her into 3month clothing...she's no longer our little newborn :( I can't believe how fast she grows and changes, you can see huge differences in a matter of days, with her. The lack of sleep and long fussy sessions are so worth it though....I can't say enough how much I love having her in my life.

Now that I'm no longer pregnant, my fibro is definitely back, but my doctor was also able to start me on Savella since I'm not breastfeeding. I'm telling you has made a world of difference in my life. Pre-Savella I was taking six 50mg tramodols a day just to manage my pain, on top of the cymbalta which also helps with pain control. Now I am completely off the cymbalta, and I take one-two tramodols a day for pain! It is so flipping awesome. What I do notice however is that with the new baby my muscles are very unrelenting...if I hold her one way for too long or too often...that area flares big time. My shoulders are giving me the biggest problems right now as they support all her weight when I carry her or burp her. i try really hard to alternate, but I'm using lots of heating pads at night to get through. I've always had trouble with repetitive movements and my fibro...whatever area of my body that is used over and over...flares in an unrelenting way.

As far as my exhaustion and the fibro, and the's hard to tell which came's a chicken/egg scenario. I'm tired, but I'm not at the I can't get out of bed stage at this point which is good. Stress is also still a big trigger for my fibro...homelife has been less than peaceful as of late with our teenage son, and I definitely notice that major times of stress, cause my fms to flare...but all in all...I'm sooooo glad to be on the Savella.

I know that drugs affect everyone differently, and that this one can make you really nauseous...I had a bad two days, but that's all....I've heard of folks who have to stop the drug because it makes them so sick. If you haven't tried it, I would definitely recommend looking into it. It's made a world of difference in my life...I'm hoping that it will continue to do so. Cymbalta initially helped my pain a lot, but I found that that didn't last over I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I hope all of you are doing well...I've missed blogging a ton, and hope to keep a regular schedule of posts going now that I'm back online with my puter, and not just my cell phone

love you all!


Saturday, May 29, 2010

She's here!

Our little bundle of joy is's just taken me awhile to post....sorry.

Emma Kajo Carmichael was born at 0810 on May 10th, and was 6lbs 2oz, 19.5 inches long. She has been a wonderful addition to our family thus far.

Monday, May 3, 2010

May 10th is the date!

I found out last week that I will be induced on May 10th, barring any jump in my blood pressure in the meantime. So the big day is almost upon us!

Only 6 more sleeps! I'm terrified and elated all in one, but doing my best to take it easy and keep my BP in check since my husband won't be home until Friday.

The nursery is set...and I have ambien to get me through the sleepless

I'll keep you all posted! I hope everyone is well and enjoying the spring like weather!


Thursday, April 15, 2010

34 weeks...

Well I've made it to 34 weeks which is good, but I have to say I'm struggling this week. I think the combination of hormones, being 8 and half months pregnant, and life are all ganging up on me, and I'm feeling rather overwhelmed. I have to go to the hospital 2 times a week to have the baby's heart rate monitored, and one of those times they will also measure the amount of amniotic fluid. Right now the heart rate monitoring is just due to my high risk status, and the monitoring of fluid is because i'm just on the verge of having too much, which can mean premature labor so they are just keeping an eye on things.

My hubby is working an extra week out of town to make some extra income for when he's off when the baby comes, and my 14 year old step son has been less than easy to deal I'm feeling rather alone and scared right now. I know this is all normal for being at this point in the pregnancy, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with...on top of all that one of the key supports in my life has dropped out of existance and refuses to contact I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. I always thought people would ralley around when your pregnant, but the one person I thought would be there has disappeared. POOP!

Overall things aren't as dark as I feel like they are, and I'm trying to keep things in perspective. My friend that was 7 weeks ahead of me, and delivered last week went through all the same feelings and I'm trying to keep a good perspective. That's important because we all know that when we stress and don't sleep...our FMS gets worse. Mine is starting to rear it's head so it's a good reminder to try and relax and take care of myself.

I'm so grateful for all of you out there who have stuck by me and supported me on my blog...even though my entries have been inconsistent lately...all of you are on my mind alot and I cherish this outlet and the support that I have.

Thanks to all my peeps!


Monday, March 15, 2010

Remember me?

Once again there has been a long pause between posts...what can I say? life has been hectic and time just seems to fly by without me even knowing it.

So I'll be 30 weeks along on Wednesday! Officially in the third trimester...which is both exciting and terrifying all in one. I've developed gestational diabetes so as of last week I'm on a diabetic diet and testing my blood sugar 4 times a day...sigh. My doc finally put me on some medication for the nausea and vomiting, I've been taking it for 2 weeks now and I'm starting to feel a little more one point I'd lost a total of 30lbs, but now I'm starting to slowly gain a little bit of weight as the baby grows. She's kicking and squirming all the time now, which makes all the yucky symptoms I've had worth it.

My fibro is still cooperating nicely, but I'll continue to keep my fingers crossed. I have some pain, but nothing major. I have had a couple whomping migraines though, which I could have done without. lol

Really that's all I have to report. It's been a long 6 months of running to the bathroom to be sick, and I'm so glad that the end is in sight....I'll try to check in more often though.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

We've passed the halfway mark!!!!!!!!

So I'm 21 and a half weeks....the halfway point has finally been passed! Now it kind of feels like I'm getting somewhere :-) nine months is a loooong time.

Since my last post we had our amniocentesis and all the chromosomes are perfect...insert sigh of relief here...We also had our 20 wk ultrasound and our little baby girl is just over 12 oz and was all curled up in a ball. It was quite cute, we even got to see her yawn. So far she's right on track and everything looks to be normal and healthy.

My health has been up and down. Luckily I'm having more ups than downs right now tho. Some days I feel pretty good and others I spend most of the day in the bathroom, so I don't plan too far in advance. It's weird but for some reason the more I move around the more sick to my stomach I get, which doesn't make getting out of the house much fun. My husband is a saint...he's started driving out of the way routes to places so that he'll be able to pull over at a moment's notice for me to hang my head out the door and hurl...what a lucky guy huh? lol

The holidays were quiet...just me and my hubby at home...and we're getting back into the swing of things in this new year that is going to totally change our lives forever :) My Fibro has been pretty non-existent throughout the pregnancy, in this second trimester I'm having more pain than before, but nothing like my pre-pregnancy pain. It will suck when it all comes rushing back, but I'm greatful that I'm not battling morning sickness AND fms pain at the same time.

My tummy feels like it's expanding exponentially everyday...yikes...those last couple of months are going to be a might uncomfortable...I can tell already. We've come up with a name...but of course we're second guessing ourselves who knows what we'll end up with...either way it will be a secret until she's born.

All in all things are going well. Thanks for all the support folks! I love u all!

May the new year bring you happiness and joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!