Tuesday, November 20, 2007

back on track :}

So I'm back on track and the pissed off me, survived to see another day lol. There's been some research on anger and how it's somehow linked with Fibro, but I can't remember exactly what it was. I want to say that the lack of seratonin in our brains, affects how quickly we get angry....I dunno. I DO know that my patience/tolerance is EXTREMELY low over the last few years, and I'd actually prided myself on being a rather patient person, in my younger years. That could totally have been a false self image however.

I'm much more easily frustrated than I've ever been before, and once I get angry it's at a much more intense level than ever before. It's all so subjective though. It could simply be the demands of ever growing responsability at work, becoming a wife, and parent....or on the other hand it could be that I resent this disease and have no tolerance where it's concerned. I just know that my anger is definately different than it's ever been before, and I've heard others echo the same concerns.

That's the hard part with fms; it's so far reaching into every aspect of your life and your health, you just don't know what's normal and what's not. I know that before my diagnosis, I was convinced that all the pain that I felt was simply due to getting older and not being in my 20's anymore. But let's get real here I'm only 38, which in my opinion, for what it's worth, is just not that old.

There's all these things about my body that have just become normal to me, and I don't realize that they're not "normal" until I hear someone else ask about it, or even worse: when I'm talking about it to someone else that doesn't have fms, and they are looking at me like I'm from outer space. lol yikes! For instance I have random muscle "jerks" "spasms" "ticks" i don't know what you would call them. When I'm sitting still or especially laying down to go to sleep, my leg or arm or both will all of a sudden jump. It's kind of like those dreams you have of falling when your almost asleep and your whole body jumps, except it's just in my legs and arms. Well come to find out, someone on Fibrotalk posted a question about this very symptom, and tons of people report the exact same symptom. It's weird.

This week so far is going pretty well though. I'm really tired but not in bad pain, which I count as particularily good. I've started going to the gym at work....today was my first major work out. I did cardio and lower body weights, so we'll see how I feel in the next few hours. Exercise is supposed to help curb the symptoms of fms, but exertion causes undue pain and fatigue. The key is to get to the point where the benefits of exercise start out weighing the negative side effects. I'm remaining optimistic at this point.

I've lost 30 lbs in the last couple of months, but have kind of stalled so upping my exercise is the next stage to losing more weight. It's definately an uphill battle. I committed this year to getting my body back on track and as the year draws to a close, I am definately happy with my progress.....just keep trucking on, as they say!



Thursday, November 15, 2007

So I was in the middle of what I thought was a really good post....and then life hit me square in the forhead....and what happens, when life stresses you out????? Your damn disease kicks you in the ass...............................I absolutely hate that a simple stressful event can cripple me.....so I'm off to lick my wounds....

welcome to fms folks


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

oops on comments

So I just, yes only just now, realized that the settings for my comments, prevented people from posting anonymously....yup I'm a goober! lmao....that has now been changed so comment away folks.... isn't it just like me and my fibro fog to space this one out.....oh well, i'll do better next time i'm sure or NOT! lmao

hanging my head in shame....

Sooooo I did it! blink blink

So I decided to go ahead and get the tattoo! and I absolutely LOVE IT, I know it probably seems strange to most of you but it works for me. I ended up getting it on the inside of my left wrist...

A couple of people brought up the same issue that aplseed did, about not wanting to be seen as just the disease. For me though it is a way to remember that it is just a disease and it's part of me like a tatoo, but it's a long way from who I am as a whole. I'm not sure why it symbolizes that for me, but it does, and I guess I'm the only one who has to like it and live with it....and I do. The minute it was all finished I knew I'd made the right decision. It's a huge part of my life and part of the problem with this disease is that we don't "look sick", we look perfectly normal and healthy, so people can sometimes jump to the conclusion that it's "all in our heads" or that we just want the "drama" of it all.....which is sooooo far from the truth.

The most positive change for me, has been to start focusing on raising awareness, and not being afraid to admit to/or let someone else know that I DO have a disease and it affects everything that I do. I'm proud to be the person I am, and I'm proud that I have found a positive outlet to focus on with my FMS as opposed to always looking at the negative and how it takes away from my life. Writing this blog and wearing my tattoo with confidence allows me to work WITH my disease and not AGAINST it.

So for those of you who don't like it or think it was the right thing to do, I very much appreciate your point of view and thank you for helping me to explore all these things before I got the tattoo, but know that it's the right fit for me and that's all I can do right now. ...the next right thing for me!

love you all!


Monday, November 5, 2007


So my goal is to not only promote awareness of Fibromyalgia, but also for me to reach a point where I'm comfortable with the fact that FMS is part of my life, but to remember that I am not
FMS. Does that make sense? I have it and I live with it and I'm even impacted by it almost every minute of everyday.....but that doesn't mean that it's taken over and I've lost me. I'm still the same person I was pre-fibro, I just have more hurdles to jump now.

This perspective is easy to keep when I'm feeling good, however when I'm over tired, in chronic pain, and my senses are on overdrive it's hard for me to keep that positive perspective. I wear one of those rubber bracelets ( like the yellow LiveStrong ones), the main one for FMS is purple (cool color) and it says "Fibromyalgia is real" on it. My newest idea though is to get a tatoo of the purple ribbon that symbolizes FMS for me. I know that alot of people feel that tatoo's aren't the way to go, but it's a way for me to remember, that while FMS is a part of me....it's not all of me, and it also opens up for conversations about what FMS is, with others.

I'm just kicking around the idea right now, I have Thurs/Fri off this week so I'll see what the possibilities are then. It may just be my birthday gift to myself....who knows. I'll keep you posted.

My feet haven't gotten any worse with my new shoes/orthotics so I guess I'll count that as good. Other than that my symptoms have been reasonably mild the last week or so. The weekends are always a time for me to catch up on my sleep...and let me telll you I take advantage of that.

I'm not feeling real chit chatty today so I'll post again later this week.
To all my fellow fibromites....I hope you are all well, and if not.....at least taking care of yourselves!