Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Old Friend....

Well it seems my old friend, fibromyalgia is settling in to stay.   I'm over my flare, thank god, but it seems that I'm just back into the same old dance with more break while being preggers, and the lull afterward.  So I guess it's be thankful for the reprieve and continue putting one foot in front of the other and dealing with symptoms as they come.

Over the last little while I've noticed that my pain seems to be increasing bit by bit, I'm taking an extra tramadol here and there, more frequently.  I'm scared that the savella isn't working as well anymore...but hoping it's just a simple thing.   I'm off to Canada for two weeks and will be back at the end of the month.  Going to make an appt to see the doc and discuss things for when I get back.  I know of folks that take 100mg of savella twice a day, where I'm only on 50 right now.   I'm also wanting to look at getting off the tramadol, I've been taking it for 6+ years now, and recently found out that it can affect sleep.  From my research it seems that MS Contin is a reasonably successful drug, as it is time released...but the scary thing is it is morphine...and that's upping the ante a bit.  Not sure what to do, but I guess between my doctor and me, we will figure something out.

I worry because I tend to become resistant to meds over time, which doesn't seem uncommon amongst my fellow fibromites.  Eventually though, I'll run out of options, is my big fear.  Will the disease progress that far?  or will it just kind of hang out here and I'll work around it?   I've already altered so much in my life to deal with this disease and when I talk to folks who are in wheelchairs or really restricted movement wise I get scared.   I use a cane periodically, but my pride keeps me from using it as often as I should...and I tend to only use it when I'm pretty certain I won't be around anyone who knows me.  I know this isn't a healthy way to deal with my situation...but it's what I do.  Trying to get over that stigma that I have.   I worry because people already don't understand the symptoms that come and go, and that I have good and bad days....what will they say if today I have a cane....and tomorrow I don't?   And why the hell do I care?????   That's the more important question.  Why is my self worth all of a sudden reverting back into what others think of me?   I feel like I'm taking steps backwards.  It's easy to forget how wearing/tiring constant pain is, and when I'm worn down, I start doubting myself......lots of opportunity to  work on

hope this message finds you well and having a good day!



Sue Jackson said...

Glad you were able to enjoy a reprieve during your pregnancy (and congratulations!!). I already had my two sons when I got CFS, but I have heard that different people react to pregnancy differently - some get worse, some get better, and some stay the I'm glad you were in the better camp.

I can relate to your worries about the future. I think we all can. I worry about how many meds I take - I keep adding them anytime I find something that helps, but I really hate taking so many pills. I, too, worry whether everything will work as well for me in the future.

One day at a time, right?

I hope your trip goes well.


Barbara K. said...

I too hate being dependent on pills; and I also worry about having them stop working. I try to follow the advice of dear and wise friend who said to me: don't worry twice. Some days I can do just that.