ANXIETY is the word that haunts me today and the past week plus. I've been waking up with overwhelming anxiety and I'm not sure why. Today I have 2 appts. and I feel like I'm about to walk in front of a firing line....by night when the day is done, I feel not too bad...but until baby is in bed and I'm sitting quietly on the couch I'm stressed.
Part of my stress right now is worrying about my health and ability to function when my husband is away 2 weeks a month. As you know I recently went through a really bad flare, and now it seems I'm paralyzed with fear that this will happen again. It happened when my husband was gone and I got through, but the experience was less than pleasant and I'm so worried about it happening again. I know that it will, and when it does, I'll get through...but convincing my emotions to accept this logic is proving difficult.
A friend suggested I see my doc about anxiety meds...and yes I agree, I probably should, but even that terrifies me. I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not invoke unfounded judgement...but part of me is so frustrated with how I'm feeling right now. It used to be so easy...and now i feel like a pile of goo...and I hate it! i see my attitude slowly declining lately and I can't seem to reel it back in...maybe I just need to go through this and get to the other side.
this too shall pass
one day (moment) at a time
what doesn't kill us makes us stronger
it's ok to be where you are
you are not your disease
I agree with all of these...however at the moment I'm struggling to believe them and accept them. I'm like a toddler kicking and screaming on the floor. I don't wanna be sick...I don't wanna be sick! I run all of this through my head a thousand times at day...which it just dawned on me, might be contributing to the anxiety level.....
All I have to do is get through this next minute...