Tuesday, November 20, 2007

back on track :}

So I'm back on track and the pissed off me, survived to see another day lol. There's been some research on anger and how it's somehow linked with Fibro, but I can't remember exactly what it was. I want to say that the lack of seratonin in our brains, affects how quickly we get angry....I dunno. I DO know that my patience/tolerance is EXTREMELY low over the last few years, and I'd actually prided myself on being a rather patient person, in my younger years. That could totally have been a false self image however.

I'm much more easily frustrated than I've ever been before, and once I get angry it's at a much more intense level than ever before. It's all so subjective though. It could simply be the demands of ever growing responsability at work, becoming a wife, and parent....or on the other hand it could be that I resent this disease and have no tolerance where it's concerned. I just know that my anger is definately different than it's ever been before, and I've heard others echo the same concerns.

That's the hard part with fms; it's so far reaching into every aspect of your life and your health, you just don't know what's normal and what's not. I know that before my diagnosis, I was convinced that all the pain that I felt was simply due to getting older and not being in my 20's anymore. But let's get real here I'm only 38, which in my opinion, for what it's worth, is just not that old.

There's all these things about my body that have just become normal to me, and I don't realize that they're not "normal" until I hear someone else ask about it, or even worse: when I'm talking about it to someone else that doesn't have fms, and they are looking at me like I'm from outer space. lol yikes! For instance I have random muscle "jerks" "spasms" "ticks" i don't know what you would call them. When I'm sitting still or especially laying down to go to sleep, my leg or arm or both will all of a sudden jump. It's kind of like those dreams you have of falling when your almost asleep and your whole body jumps, except it's just in my legs and arms. Well come to find out, someone on Fibrotalk posted a question about this very symptom, and tons of people report the exact same symptom. It's weird.

This week so far is going pretty well though. I'm really tired but not in bad pain, which I count as particularily good. I've started going to the gym at work....today was my first major work out. I did cardio and lower body weights, so we'll see how I feel in the next few hours. Exercise is supposed to help curb the symptoms of fms, but exertion causes undue pain and fatigue. The key is to get to the point where the benefits of exercise start out weighing the negative side effects. I'm remaining optimistic at this point.

I've lost 30 lbs in the last couple of months, but have kind of stalled so upping my exercise is the next stage to losing more weight. It's definately an uphill battle. I committed this year to getting my body back on track and as the year draws to a close, I am definately happy with my progress.....just keep trucking on, as they say!




aplseed said...

I think there is a correlation with seratonin levels and anger /irritation. I am not sure if it is neccesarily FM or if a seperate depression/anxiety issue that so many of us have. At any rate it is real,and I have experienced it myself. As to the jerking limbs, that is also a symptom of sleep apnea,and sleep disorders. You could consider a sleep test.I don't notice this now I am on a CPap machine. Sleep disorders are closely related to FM too.

Sometimes I wonder if FM isn't just the combination of so many seperate things, that seem to effect some of us in multiples.

henew job leaves me exhausted, but my pain level has been much more manageable.The company I work for owns a Hotel next door, I can use the pool and spa. Once I establish a routine I think I am going to fit some pool exercise and spa time into the schedule a couple days a week.

aplseed said...

I see you haven't written here for a while. I hope it is because you have been busy,and that you are felling better.I hope you are not getting discouraged and letting go of blogging. It takes time to build a readership. I know I posted to my first blog for a few months before anyone noticed.

I am still on the early morning gig at work, and I find it harder to get up every day,LOL

The pain level has been fantastic, although I find I need to get up more often and move around. I need a bit of excercise,but finding the right mount where I am situated is a challenge. They moved us to a different building up the block from the main office where the cafe is. I attempted 2 times now to walk down for lunch,but the distance is just a wee bit more than tolerance and I find it hard to get back with no place to sit on a bench or something for a fe seconds. The shop we are located is also a tarp repair shop,so walking indoors is limited. MAybe I need to start the pool and spa routine sooner than later.LOL