Wednesday, September 3, 2008

A decision made...

So after a long weekend of vascillating back and work or not to work.....a decision has finally been made. In my last post I was in so much indecision, and all that disappeared once I was back at work on Monday, after very little recovery time over the weekend. It has become totally clear to both my husband and myself that at this point I just don't need to be working. I very much need to take some time off and get my health and my life back, to whatever extent that is possible.

When I got a great review on Friday, it was almost like I was seeing that old me, that person that strived to define herself by the work that she did. I am just, and I would argue even more valuable as a healthy me that stays at home. I think I just needed to morn that old life and get to a point of acceptance with the life I lead now with fibromyalgia. I so wish that I could convey to friends and family how different and difficult our life has become. Yet by the same token, it has certainly forced me to live life on life's terms and realize that I have more to offer myself, my family, and the world, by being the best me I can be. At this point and time I can't do that AND work.

So yes the decision is made, once my husband is back at work (2weeks from now), I will be giving my notice at work. While there is some fear around loss of income, both my husband and I know that this is the right thing to do, and have made peace with this decision.

I want to thank all those who also suffer from some sort of chronic/invisible illness that read this blog and help me keep a realistic perspective on where my life is at this point. Thanks you are all a life line for me!!!!



Jasmine said...

I'm proud of you for making this very difficult decision (at least it was difficult for me). I defined myself by my work, and always took pride in doing a great job despite the amount of pain I was in (but sadly it caught up to me). So when I had to decide between a paycheck or my health I had to do a lot of soul searching. Looking back I took too long to come to that conclusion, but I'm grateful that I did finally reach it. There was a lot of guilt involved, even though my husband supported my decision.

Diane J Standiford said...

My partner with fms has been struggling at her job since 1995, she just it 20yrs there and I see her fighting too much each day. I have MS and had to retire on ssdi in 2004, so money will be tight, we are 51 and this certainly wasn't in our plan, we love our jobs, but such is life. It is a courageous step you take and you won't regret it.

Donimo said...

So glad to hear that you've got such a supportive partner. It is a tough decision and one that brings up lots of different things both emotional and practical. If you don't have to convince a partner, that makes your process around this so much easier (or clearer, anyway). It's nice to hear that you're settled and have found the wisdom (and a degree of peace)in the decision and are not just resigned and sad (though I'm sure that's there as well). Way to go!

Diane J Standiford said...

I am highlighting your blog on my blog on Monday. Thank you for all the hard work.

Susan said...

Congratulations and good luck with staying at home!

My husband stopped work two weeks ago, and just this morning he was saying how much better he feels, less tired, less stressed, etc...and HE's the healthy one! He's staying home because I couldn't care for special-needs kids and my fibromyalgia all by myself anymore.

It IS scary to lose an income; and it's hard to learn to re-define yourself outside of traditional work. But better things come!

Geoffrey W. Rutledge, MD, PhD said...

I think your blog is terrific, and I would like to feature you on Wellsphere ( Would you drop me an email?
Good health!
Geoffrey W. Rutledge, MD, PhD