Thursday, October 25, 2007

Ick Ack Oop!

To all the people that are lurking out there, reading but not commenting, I know you're there...please, please leave a comment or two. You can comment anonymously and nobody will
ever know who you are, not that I get why that would be a problem. This blog is extremely important to me and I'd like to know that it is making some sort of difference, in somebody's life besides mine. This is a great place for me to vent my feelings, ideas etc. and it has helped me share some of the daily struggles that those of us with fibromyalgia go through.....I think I can speak for most people that have this disease and of the biggest problems we face is the lack of awareness about FMS; AND the lack of support that we feel from those who are close to us. I don't expect gushing emotions and testimonials....just a few simple words to let me, and the other fibromites that visit this blog, know that you are tuning in. That's all I have to say about that! blink blink blink

Today has been a weird one, I've kind of trapped myself in my head, thinking self defeating thoughts about this dumb disease. As some of you know, I was diagnosed with fms when we couldn't find any treatment to help my plantar fasciitis (heel spurs). My body's lack of response to treatment was a big red flag that there was more going on in my body than just foot pain. Well in March 2006 I had surgery on both my feet, and they've done wonderful! up until this week, sigh. I noticed on the weekend that one of my heels was kind of tender and now there's no denying it....they hurt. So I went out today and spent another 200 dollars, that by the way we cannot afford, on new shoes and orthotics. I'm so fricken scared that I'm going backwards! My doctor told me that if my pain came back I'd be that 1 in a hundred that the surgery wasn't a permanent fix for! Of course I would be! So I'm trying, quite unsucessfully to not panic, I'm taking every precaution with them and doing all the right things.....pleeeeeeeaaaaase let it get better and go away! I'm having trouble with my wrist, and I'm pretty sure at this point that I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome....and that's just going to be another 10,000 dollars down the drain. I'm so tired of what this disease is costing me, emotionally, physically, family wise, work wise, and mostly money wise. I have insurance and I'm still paying monthly installments on my last surgery. It fricken sucks!!!!!
So now the key is to not stress, cuz if I stress, I'll be in more pain, and if I'm in more pain, I'm less able to cope, and then my health spirals.....and on and on and on....



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