Friday, February 8, 2008

just checking in

I've been a real slacker when it comes to the blog lately, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I've been really tired lately. That get up in the morning and all you want to do is take a nap for about the next week....sound familiar? well that's me. Through some unforseen circumstances I had 2 and a half days off of work this week and it really really helped to get rested up. It's amazing what a difference sleep can make. That sounds like a really obvious thing and a stupid comment to make, but I'm serious. I remember back to when I switched from a night shift job to a day shift job, how much better I felt, and how much clearer I could think. Well the same holds true for fms, you don't realize how exhausted you are until you get some rest. Sometimes I'm amazed at the level at which I've been functioning without realizing that I'm exhausted mentally and physically.

It's hard to keep that perspective when you're in a bout of pain, or exhaustion, or more frequently than not, in a bout of pain AND exhaustion. Then on top of that throw in the typical fibrofog and it's amazing we get anything done at all? This makes me both laugh and take a serious pause at the same time. It's the constant struggle to find some sort of balance with your body, when the fibromyalgia keeps changing the rules. Just when you think you have it figured out, something changes, and you are thrown off kilter (no idea how to spell that one), only to start at square one again. As I'm typing this I'm laughing because this exact situation happened this week and I didn't even realize until right now, what took place.

Like I said I had a couple of days off this week and was able to catch up on some well overdue sleep. I know I've said it before but our bodies are not able to get enough restorative sleep with fibro. The key to that fact, for this story that it's during that ever important sleep cycle that our bodies repair our muscles. Over the day we get tiny tears, especially from working out, and then at night our body repairs these tears, thus creating added muscle. Well I've been trying to work out regularly lately, but this week was an off week. When I woke up yesterday and sat up, I felt the muscle from my neck down past my shoulder blade (for lack of a better term) rip. It's wasn't like a spasm, it either tore completely or pulled itself to a major extreme. Well of course this was tear provoking painful, but now after a day it's only worse because now it's stiff, AND my body isn't getting the proper rest to repair the muscle, which is why I have chronic pain in the first place......yikes! This happened about a year ago and when I went to the doctor there wasn't much she could do since I'm already on so many pain meds to begin with. Long story short....I just have to live with it and hope it heals itself soon, with lots of heat and tender loving care. ack! It's funny though that when one situation got better, the rest helped my exhaustion, then another thing jumped right into the mix (stupid muscle).

This ramble takes me to another point, and that is...that I just found out recently that Tramodol, which is one of the pain meds I take is actually considered a narcotic. It's an extremely low dose narcotic, but a narcotic all the same. YIKES /OMG / WTF... I know it doesn't change anything really, but I was under the peaceful illusion that I was managing my fibro without narcotics....crap so what now? If i'm on narcotics I might as well get a stronger one since this one just barely covers the pain gap, most days. I supplement it with extra strength tylenol several times a week.

****note to self***** must speak to doc about this!

Can you tell that I'm in a real funk with this dumb disease right now???? Part of me wants sooooo bad to just quit my job and take care of my body.....but then my next thought is.....then I'd have the time to workout like 4 hours a day and get my body in the best shape ever.....but come on......that doesn't even make sense....if I'm able to work out 4 hours a day then I should be able to work 6 hours a's so frickin confusing. I just want to feel better, but I have no concept right now, of where to start. I wish I could focus on the regular things of life. You know what I mean? Nobody grows up thinking "I hope I get a chronic disease, when I grow up", but sometimes it's just all too overwhelming. It's not often that I think "why me"....but today I ask you...."WHY ME?". Then I feel stupid for writing that, because I know that everyone has there own challenges in life and I'm no worse off than most....It's like having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other....this sucks.....suck it up.....I hate it.....what's the big deal...and on and on and on. Maybe I have multiple personalities???? lmao....just kidding.

So folks that's where I am today....nothing profetic or wise or even insightful to say. I wish I had something new for you, but it's just another day with fms. Maybe my problem is that I'm trying to find an answer on how to deal with I don't have to deal with it anymore.....hmmm I don't think that's going to



aplseed said...

OK, so Tramadol is narcotic., But it is barely noticable even. My Dr. put me on it instead of Darvocet because Darvocet was not approved for OTR drivers. That makes me think it is not even as strong as a darvocet. Let me tell you, I have functioned on far stronger stuff before .Tramadol just keeps me OK, and thats when I add a arthritis streenth tylenol when I take it. (Tylenol helps the tramadol take effect aabetter and last longer according to my Doc.)

The excercise I have found is double edged sword. You must take it slow or you will actually tear yourself down faster than you can heal and end up loosing ground. I found this out when I started trying to walk and would push my limits well past the point of spasms that started, I thought I had to push to gain. Instead a month later I found myself unable to even go as far without resting athan I had when I started.

NOw that I have experienced an improvement in overall painmanagement I am approaching excercise in a different light. I now relish when I can easily enjoy simple activities like shopping without great pain, and don't hesitate to embark on activities that may require several hours of activity. I am so happy to be able to do these things without the crippling spasms I suffered a year ago that I don't aspire to do more. Maybe it will continue to slowly get even better if I don't expect to do too much at once.

hobbz said...

See now this is why I do this blog is to let others in on my experience, but also to gain the experience from those that read it as well. I also agree that tylenol helps a ton when combined with tramodol...that is what ultracet is...just a combo of the two meds in one.

and Yes I agree the whole exercise thing has been a tough one for me to figure out. I guess I'm still trying to find that point for myself. Between doing enough to be healthy, but not sooo much that I pay the price for it....i'll keep you posted on that one.

Again thanks for the input aplseed