Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I'm in a flare from hell, which has me honestly raging against this fricking disease! I try so hard to keep perspective, but right now my only thought is how exhausted I am from hurting and exhaustion...lol. I am barely sleeping at all and my legs feel like they are both being crushed AND are in a meat grinder, not to mention my neck and shoulder are hideously painful.

Sometimes I just want it all to go away! How does one keep perspective during a flare???? I just don't know. I know that it will pass at some point, but I'm tired of being 39 and alternating days between using a cane to keep my legs in check and not using the cane because my shoulder is killing me. I hate it I hate it I hate it!

But what can I do, but rant and rave, then suck it up and keep moving. Which I'm going to do, but really i have no choice here. And maybe that's what pisses me off the most. The fact that I have no control in what this disease is going to do, or when it's going to strike. I know there are folks that are much worse off than me, but right now I'm too marred in self-pity to care. yikes there's a statement!

so here I sit....frustrated and angry...and exhausted, and in pain...and fighting to not give up hope.

chronic pain and illness is constantly there no matter what....how does one finally come to terms with that? I go through periods where I think I've accepted my situation and I've laid all these feelings to rest. Maybe that is the problem....I expect to be able to lay it to rest, and not feel crappy about it anymore. Looking at that in type, it dawns on me that my expectations are warped...go figure. I need to find a way to accept that things WILL indeed suck in times of flares/pain/exhaustion....I'm just not sure how to do that just yet.

i'll keep you posted on that one.



Lee said...


Hi, I recently found your blog and wanted to reach out. I'm the blog coordinator for EverydayHealth.com. We're currently recruiting patients and experts to write a weekly blog post about fibromyalgia and I thought you might be interested.

Everyday Health has over 25 million monthly unique visitors to their website, and there is a lot of potential exposure and traffic to come from blogging with the market leader in online health information. It's also an excellent platform to promote awareness about fibromyalgia and any non-profits or other related entities.

Let me know if this is something that you're interested in and might like to talk more about.

Thanks so much!

Lee McAlilly

Blog Coordinator, Everydayhealth.com

lmcalilly (at) waterfrontmedia (dot) com

Sue Jackson said...

I can completely relate to what you're going through. It's so hard to keep a healthy perspective during a bad crash or flare. We've all been there.

All I can tell you is that it will pass and things will get better again. Just remember you're not alone -