My week off was truly wonderful!!!!!! The days seem to just fly by when you don't have to work. I felt like I accomplished alot, but I did pay for it some, and spent the following week using a cane. The culprit was pruning those damn lilac bushes...it sent my back and hip over the edge. I know my neighbors must think I'm crazy, with the sporadic bouts with a cane. "does she use a cane or not????" lol
As usual I was very aware of how much better I feel when I'm not working. I took half the pain meds I normally do, and I felt like I could rest when necessary and still have time for all the house stuff. It sends me right back into the dilemma of to why am I working? Outside of needing to support myself of course *grin*
I go thru this debate about every six months...and I just don't think there is a "right" answer on this one. So for right now I'm just continuing on as I have been and hoping that if the time comes where I need to quit...we will be in a financial situation that would make that feasible. My husband is so incredibly supportive of me no matter what and that really helps. My job flexibility is key too. If I didn't have the opportunity to work from home when I need to, I wouldn't be able to work at all...so really right now I guess I have the best of both worlds...hmmm never satisfied???? I don't know.
So the weather is still amazing and I've been able to hang up my cane for the time being so I've tried to continue to walk and keep working at moving, without overdoing it. Progress? you ask??? just maybe.....lol
hobbz
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Spring has finally arrived
Spring has definitely sprung, here in Anchorage, Alaska... and that makes it just a little more difficult to focus on blogging. At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it. We are gaining more and more light by the day and it makes such a huge difference on how I feel. Not to mention the fact that it's amazing to be able to get out into the sunshine and be outside.
In terms of the fibro...life is so-so at this point. It's 4a.m. and I've yet to fall asleep tonight, and that is pretty much par for the course for my last couple of weeks. I got all ambitious yesterday and pruned a whole 2 bushes and now is my body ever feeling it. My back is a mess and my neck and shoulders are so tight I've developed one whopping headache. I have to say that it's waaaay frustrating that such a simple task takes such a huge toll on the body.
I have this whole week off from work and my plan is to focus specifically on my physical and mental health. I'm going to start walking daily and try to lose some of these nagging pounds that are weighing me down, I'm going to check in at our local YMCA as well and maybe try some swimming since it's non-weight bearing I'm hoping it will help me not feel quite so much pain after working out.
My focus of late has very much been on self improvement, which I think is why I've shied away from blogging. I've been doing a lot of work around improving my self image and defining who I am, separate from being a wife, mother, employee, etc. This has proven to be a challenging journey, as I've found that I really don't like myself all that much. In turn I tend to beat myself up for not living up to my unrealistic expectations. Obviously being a fibromite this doesn't work in my favor...sooooo....I'm taking the steps necessary to change my old thinking patterns and I'm trying to replace them with healthy realistic tapes to play in my head.
I've spent a huge amount of time looking at what fms takes away from my life...I'm really at a point where I'd like to live life within my limitations, IN SPITE OF MY fms. Wow what a concept that is? I've always hoped, (when going thru difficult times) that this time I'll get it, and then I'll be done with self-discovery, and self-improvement. Reality is, however, that this life is a journey and I need to understand that I'll never just get "it" and be done...I'll always be in a state of flux and that's ok. It doesn't make me flawed, it just makes me human.
So my flawed self and I are trying to branch out and try new things. I've used my fibro as an excuse to hide from new things and experiencing life for too many months now. As long as I work within my bodies limitations I should be able to try and do all the things I've always loved and wanted to do. Just because I can't do a several day hiking/camping trip...doesn't mean I can't do easy hikes in town or short hikes close to town until my body builds up some stamina. My doctor has advised me that initially when a fibromite starts doing physical things the pain and punishment afterwards is quite bad, but, ...IF one can get past that period, the physical activities actually improve the pain and fatigue that accompany us day to day. So I'm going to give it a try and see how it works. I have a week to recover from any pain that I may inflict upon myself, right? lol
The key for me is to go slow and build up to things. I have a tendency to jump out there and try to do what I used to be able to do, and then get discouraged when that doesn't work. (notice I didn't use the word "fail") lol. So "baby steps" is the motto for this week. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.
It all needs to begin, however with some sleep! So I'm off to stare at the ceiling some more and see if I can't get a few winks before my son is up and getting ready for school.
I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hobbz
In terms of the fibro...life is so-so at this point. It's 4a.m. and I've yet to fall asleep tonight, and that is pretty much par for the course for my last couple of weeks. I got all ambitious yesterday and pruned a whole 2 bushes and now is my body ever feeling it. My back is a mess and my neck and shoulders are so tight I've developed one whopping headache. I have to say that it's waaaay frustrating that such a simple task takes such a huge toll on the body.
I have this whole week off from work and my plan is to focus specifically on my physical and mental health. I'm going to start walking daily and try to lose some of these nagging pounds that are weighing me down, I'm going to check in at our local YMCA as well and maybe try some swimming since it's non-weight bearing I'm hoping it will help me not feel quite so much pain after working out.
My focus of late has very much been on self improvement, which I think is why I've shied away from blogging. I've been doing a lot of work around improving my self image and defining who I am, separate from being a wife, mother, employee, etc. This has proven to be a challenging journey, as I've found that I really don't like myself all that much. In turn I tend to beat myself up for not living up to my unrealistic expectations. Obviously being a fibromite this doesn't work in my favor...sooooo....I'm taking the steps necessary to change my old thinking patterns and I'm trying to replace them with healthy realistic tapes to play in my head.
I've spent a huge amount of time looking at what fms takes away from my life...I'm really at a point where I'd like to live life within my limitations, IN SPITE OF MY fms. Wow what a concept that is? I've always hoped, (when going thru difficult times) that this time I'll get it, and then I'll be done with self-discovery, and self-improvement. Reality is, however, that this life is a journey and I need to understand that I'll never just get "it" and be done...I'll always be in a state of flux and that's ok. It doesn't make me flawed, it just makes me human.
So my flawed self and I are trying to branch out and try new things. I've used my fibro as an excuse to hide from new things and experiencing life for too many months now. As long as I work within my bodies limitations I should be able to try and do all the things I've always loved and wanted to do. Just because I can't do a several day hiking/camping trip...doesn't mean I can't do easy hikes in town or short hikes close to town until my body builds up some stamina. My doctor has advised me that initially when a fibromite starts doing physical things the pain and punishment afterwards is quite bad, but, ...IF one can get past that period, the physical activities actually improve the pain and fatigue that accompany us day to day. So I'm going to give it a try and see how it works. I have a week to recover from any pain that I may inflict upon myself, right? lol
The key for me is to go slow and build up to things. I have a tendency to jump out there and try to do what I used to be able to do, and then get discouraged when that doesn't work. (notice I didn't use the word "fail") lol. So "baby steps" is the motto for this week. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.
It all needs to begin, however with some sleep! So I'm off to stare at the ceiling some more and see if I can't get a few winks before my son is up and getting ready for school.
I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hobbz
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Ups and Downs
It's definitely been a week of ups and downs. My FMS has kinda settled down since my last post, but now I'm preparing to throw it into flux again..."preparing" u ask? Voluntarily you ask? Why? Well my husband and I have decided to try and get pregnant. Part of that, means weaning off some of my meds., the ones i'm most scared of not having is my pain meds. Ack! I'm not quite sure how to get thru a year with no pain meds. Has anyone else out there been in this situation? What did you do? I would greatly appreciate any input that you may have to offer.
Gladly though, other than being more tired than usual, my symptoms seem to be in a relatively goods spot right now. I of course, hesitate to write that for fear that I've now just jinxed myself...lol
I hope all is well with everyone out there and appreciate any advice/experience you might have to offer with regards to pregnancy, fms, and medication.
hobbz
Gladly though, other than being more tired than usual, my symptoms seem to be in a relatively goods spot right now. I of course, hesitate to write that for fear that I've now just jinxed myself...lol
I hope all is well with everyone out there and appreciate any advice/experience you might have to offer with regards to pregnancy, fms, and medication.
hobbz
Saturday, March 21, 2009
It's the weekend!!!!!!!
So it's the weekend, and I promised to write...did anyone notice it's a week late? lol probably not. In all honesty it's been a week from hell and my body is waging a revolution in response to it. Such is life though.
In recent months I've come to realize that the whole idea of going it in the world alone, is waaay over rated....ok you can stop laughing now....no really....stop....I'm serious. All my life I've preached the virtues of existing in this universe in a truly solo adventure. I've never been a big fan of religion (under statement of all time), and have believed that Those who rely on an outside force for peace and serenity are somehow weak or "less than"....
Well alert the media folks....Hobbz is officially declaring that I just might have been wrong in this viewpoint. Yikes. *insert slap to the forehead with a 2x4 here*
In the last few years I've been on a personal journey of sorts that was somewhat egged on by my diagnosis of fibromyalgia...but in fact was in no way related to it. (I'm really struggling with how to word all this so bare with me on this one). I've come to accept the fact that there is a power that is much greater than myself at work out there. I don't know what it is....and don't frankly care for the word "god", but the beauty of it is...that I can define that force any way I choose and it doesn't affect anyone else one bit. This all came to light for me this week, and I was able to see quite clearly what happens when I lose this focus, when I suddenly found myself in a familiar, all be it old family crisis pattern, that I thought I had "conquered" for lack of a better word.
One thing that those of us with chronic conditions learn quite quickly is that when we fail to take care of our own needs first, and put ourselves in situations that are straining and difficult, we pay quite dearly for these actions. My fibro doesn't care what's going on outside my body, it simply rears it's evil head in response to the actions I choose to drag my body/mind through. I thought I had a pretty good handle on this concept until this week. When I was thrust into this old crisis situation, I worked really hard at focusing on what was healthy for me and did pretty good....initially. Somewhere along the way however, I lapsed into the insanity of old, and forgot that I DO indeed have choices on where I journey in spirit and mind.
It took a very dear person to bring me back to reality and show me that regardless of the chaos that may exist around me, beside me, on top of me, or just in my general vicinity...I have the ability to STILL put me FIRST....and not only do I have that ability but I have an obligation to myself and my immediate family to keep this perspective forefront in my mind.
I no longer have to fix the crisis, or live with the crisis or even worry about the crisis. I have this amazing force of love and acceptance around me 24/7 that lets me know I'm not alone even when I make stupid decisions or choices. There's a great deal of comfort in not just knowing that, but actually feeling it!
For those that know me in the real world this will probably sound very strange coming from me. Heck I think it's bizarre that I am even acknowledging these revelations to the outside world....but fact is...it's made a huge difference in how I live day by day with fibromyalgia. This disease will suck me dry if I don't learn to put down all these things I thought I had to be responsible for, and just for once...start being responsible for my own health and well being.
I will never be a religious person, but I've always considered myself to be quite spiritual. I'm glad that fibromyalgia pushed me in the direction of finding a power greater than myself that supports me and loves me unconditionally. I've never had that before, and it's getting me through this week from hell. Has the family situation changed? Not one bit...in fact the crap continues, but it doesn't matter. I have a loving husband, and son, and extended family that supported me all the way. More importantly though I had myself and that extra force to guide me through the darkest moments.
So as I sit here, dead dog tired, aching from head to toe (i even think my hair hurts today)...I once would have been quite miserable...but I know that while this moment sucks...the next might not...but even if it does I'm not alone....even when nobody is physically here...I'm not alone.
wow what a weight that has been lifted from my shoulders.
(i don't know if any of this makes any sense to anyone but me, because I'm in a fog and just rambling.....but hey I put it out there...so take what you liked and leave the rest)
may this find you all well and feeling loved!
hobbz
In recent months I've come to realize that the whole idea of going it in the world alone, is waaay over rated....ok you can stop laughing now....no really....stop....I'm serious. All my life I've preached the virtues of existing in this universe in a truly solo adventure. I've never been a big fan of religion (under statement of all time), and have believed that Those who rely on an outside force for peace and serenity are somehow weak or "less than"....
Well alert the media folks....Hobbz is officially declaring that I just might have been wrong in this viewpoint. Yikes. *insert slap to the forehead with a 2x4 here*
In the last few years I've been on a personal journey of sorts that was somewhat egged on by my diagnosis of fibromyalgia...but in fact was in no way related to it. (I'm really struggling with how to word all this so bare with me on this one). I've come to accept the fact that there is a power that is much greater than myself at work out there. I don't know what it is....and don't frankly care for the word "god", but the beauty of it is...that I can define that force any way I choose and it doesn't affect anyone else one bit. This all came to light for me this week, and I was able to see quite clearly what happens when I lose this focus, when I suddenly found myself in a familiar, all be it old family crisis pattern, that I thought I had "conquered" for lack of a better word.
One thing that those of us with chronic conditions learn quite quickly is that when we fail to take care of our own needs first, and put ourselves in situations that are straining and difficult, we pay quite dearly for these actions. My fibro doesn't care what's going on outside my body, it simply rears it's evil head in response to the actions I choose to drag my body/mind through. I thought I had a pretty good handle on this concept until this week. When I was thrust into this old crisis situation, I worked really hard at focusing on what was healthy for me and did pretty good....initially. Somewhere along the way however, I lapsed into the insanity of old, and forgot that I DO indeed have choices on where I journey in spirit and mind.
It took a very dear person to bring me back to reality and show me that regardless of the chaos that may exist around me, beside me, on top of me, or just in my general vicinity...I have the ability to STILL put me FIRST....and not only do I have that ability but I have an obligation to myself and my immediate family to keep this perspective forefront in my mind.
I no longer have to fix the crisis, or live with the crisis or even worry about the crisis. I have this amazing force of love and acceptance around me 24/7 that lets me know I'm not alone even when I make stupid decisions or choices. There's a great deal of comfort in not just knowing that, but actually feeling it!
For those that know me in the real world this will probably sound very strange coming from me. Heck I think it's bizarre that I am even acknowledging these revelations to the outside world....but fact is...it's made a huge difference in how I live day by day with fibromyalgia. This disease will suck me dry if I don't learn to put down all these things I thought I had to be responsible for, and just for once...start being responsible for my own health and well being.
I will never be a religious person, but I've always considered myself to be quite spiritual. I'm glad that fibromyalgia pushed me in the direction of finding a power greater than myself that supports me and loves me unconditionally. I've never had that before, and it's getting me through this week from hell. Has the family situation changed? Not one bit...in fact the crap continues, but it doesn't matter. I have a loving husband, and son, and extended family that supported me all the way. More importantly though I had myself and that extra force to guide me through the darkest moments.
So as I sit here, dead dog tired, aching from head to toe (i even think my hair hurts today)...I once would have been quite miserable...but I know that while this moment sucks...the next might not...but even if it does I'm not alone....even when nobody is physically here...I'm not alone.
wow what a weight that has been lifted from my shoulders.
(i don't know if any of this makes any sense to anyone but me, because I'm in a fog and just rambling.....but hey I put it out there...so take what you liked and leave the rest)
may this find you all well and feeling loved!
hobbz
Friday, March 13, 2009
Wow back from a break
I've just spent the last couple of weeks relaxing and doing absolutely nothing :) Which is also why I haven't posted anything. It's been spring break for the school kids and our son went to visit the lower 48 so it's been just my husband and I. At one point we were thinking of going to Hawaii, then it was maybe travel in-state, which moved quickly to living it up large here in Anchorage. In reality we hung out at home, read, played video games, and relaxed. It's surprising how fun, doing nothing can be.
So I'm all rested up and will post more later. I just wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm still here. I'll write something more this weekend
until then....
So I'm all rested up and will post more later. I just wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm still here. I'll write something more this weekend
until then....
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I'm just not sure....
I'm just not sure where the time goes lately. It just flies by and before I know it, it's been a month since my last post. Health wise I've been in a TON of pain lately, thanks to the fms...but otherwise my symptoms have been reasonably mild. I find it soooo interesting to see the difference between how I feel with only one main symptom and how I feel with full blown symptoms. It makes a world of difference, which sounds sad I'm sure to normals...but it makes perfect sense to my fibro mind. I never in my life thought I would consider it a good day, when my only problem is constant mind numbing pain in my body. lol
The worlds we live in are so complex and the things we can get used to and adapt to are amazing. It's times like these that I need to remember when I'm feeling beaten up by life and my fibro.
Lately the prevailing thought for me has been the struggle to define my illness as an "ok" thing in my life....or I guess in other words find acceptance. It seems just when I hit a comfort level with the hand I've been dealt something else comes along and I feel anger, blame, guilt etc all over again. The most recent incident was while talking with my husband about what behaviors we'd like to see the other one work on...particularly around anger. whoa does that sound as intense as it seems? Actually the conversation was a reasonably light one...but anyways, I digress. I brought up my issues/concerns and then his response was something like " anything that I would like to see changed can't be because your sick. Some things are unfair so I'm prepared to take my unfair share of problems...." When I questioned him further for clarification, the gist of what he was saying seemed to be that when I'm feeling crappy I'm blunt, curt, short with people, angry....because I'm in pain/exhausted...etc. He feels that since we can't get rid of my illness he is just stuck with this consequence. This makes me incredibly sad! One, I'm still accountable for my behavior healthy or not, but two, to hear him feeling as helpless as I do sometimes, makes me feel like I've burdened my family unnecessarily.
I don't want it to sound like he hates being with me or that he feels obligated, because that certainly isn't the case...but how can I make that up to him? Obviously I need to find a way to circumvent the cranky behavior when I'm feeling like shit...but that too brings up a whole can of worms. My first thought is that as soon as I start feeling pain or fatigue or overwhelmed by sound/pain/fatigue/smells/(you get the picture) I need to remove myself from the situation so that my family doesn't have to suffer as well. But then I'm terrified I'll be locked in my room 24/7 and will never be with my family. This brings up a whole lot of fears for me and obviously my husband. We've agreed to come back to the topic when he gets back from work...and I know we'll figure something out...but the guilt that I feel is still ever present.
It's totally unfair that I've gotten this disease, but life is unfair...I can cope with that (most days anyways)...but the fact that it's just as hard on my family, kills me. They see me suffering and just want to help....but they have no more control over this than I do. It's good to remember that this disease is a family affair. It can't just touch one person and leave everyone else alone. That's a pretty sobering thought.
I see how widespreading this disease is when it comes to dealing with various family members and friends. One I don't like bringing it up alot because I don't want to burden others, or sound like I'm whining or making excuses. On the other hand I really get the feeling that the whole subject makes people uncomfortable, so I try to pick and choose the times I discuss my illness with those close to me. Unfortunately my husband and son don't have that luxury. They see firbromyalgia in all it's glory. I can't hide it from them like I can everyone else. I can't paste on a smile and say everything's fine when it isn't. Anyone who has spent significant time in our house since my diagnosis, has gotten a glimpse of what life is like for the 3 of us, but reality is...only we know, what it's truly like to exist with this illness 24/7...for better or for worse, that's just the way it is.
Sometimes, I feel blessed to have discovered how important self care is, because my fibro doesn't ever give me a break. I've learned my limitations and when to say no, for my body's sake. If I over do something...fibro strikes with a vengeance....but I can weigh those risks and decide if a given situation is worth it, for me. How do I weigh the same risks when it comes to my spouse or child? Wow that's not so easy.
I'm blessed to have married my soul-mate and I'm secure in our relationship and his presence here in my life...but man I hate to see my fibro affect him in such a shitty way. Ouch. I guess my lesson for today is "powerlessness" if that's a word......
hmm....thinks that make you go hmmmm.....
hobbz
The worlds we live in are so complex and the things we can get used to and adapt to are amazing. It's times like these that I need to remember when I'm feeling beaten up by life and my fibro.
Lately the prevailing thought for me has been the struggle to define my illness as an "ok" thing in my life....or I guess in other words find acceptance. It seems just when I hit a comfort level with the hand I've been dealt something else comes along and I feel anger, blame, guilt etc all over again. The most recent incident was while talking with my husband about what behaviors we'd like to see the other one work on...particularly around anger. whoa does that sound as intense as it seems? Actually the conversation was a reasonably light one...but anyways, I digress. I brought up my issues/concerns and then his response was something like " anything that I would like to see changed can't be because your sick. Some things are unfair so I'm prepared to take my unfair share of problems...." When I questioned him further for clarification, the gist of what he was saying seemed to be that when I'm feeling crappy I'm blunt, curt, short with people, angry....because I'm in pain/exhausted...etc. He feels that since we can't get rid of my illness he is just stuck with this consequence. This makes me incredibly sad! One, I'm still accountable for my behavior healthy or not, but two, to hear him feeling as helpless as I do sometimes, makes me feel like I've burdened my family unnecessarily.
I don't want it to sound like he hates being with me or that he feels obligated, because that certainly isn't the case...but how can I make that up to him? Obviously I need to find a way to circumvent the cranky behavior when I'm feeling like shit...but that too brings up a whole can of worms. My first thought is that as soon as I start feeling pain or fatigue or overwhelmed by sound/pain/fatigue/smells/(you get the picture) I need to remove myself from the situation so that my family doesn't have to suffer as well. But then I'm terrified I'll be locked in my room 24/7 and will never be with my family. This brings up a whole lot of fears for me and obviously my husband. We've agreed to come back to the topic when he gets back from work...and I know we'll figure something out...but the guilt that I feel is still ever present.
It's totally unfair that I've gotten this disease, but life is unfair...I can cope with that (most days anyways)...but the fact that it's just as hard on my family, kills me. They see me suffering and just want to help....but they have no more control over this than I do. It's good to remember that this disease is a family affair. It can't just touch one person and leave everyone else alone. That's a pretty sobering thought.
I see how widespreading this disease is when it comes to dealing with various family members and friends. One I don't like bringing it up alot because I don't want to burden others, or sound like I'm whining or making excuses. On the other hand I really get the feeling that the whole subject makes people uncomfortable, so I try to pick and choose the times I discuss my illness with those close to me. Unfortunately my husband and son don't have that luxury. They see firbromyalgia in all it's glory. I can't hide it from them like I can everyone else. I can't paste on a smile and say everything's fine when it isn't. Anyone who has spent significant time in our house since my diagnosis, has gotten a glimpse of what life is like for the 3 of us, but reality is...only we know, what it's truly like to exist with this illness 24/7...for better or for worse, that's just the way it is.
Sometimes, I feel blessed to have discovered how important self care is, because my fibro doesn't ever give me a break. I've learned my limitations and when to say no, for my body's sake. If I over do something...fibro strikes with a vengeance....but I can weigh those risks and decide if a given situation is worth it, for me. How do I weigh the same risks when it comes to my spouse or child? Wow that's not so easy.
I'm blessed to have married my soul-mate and I'm secure in our relationship and his presence here in my life...but man I hate to see my fibro affect him in such a shitty way. Ouch. I guess my lesson for today is "powerlessness" if that's a word......
hmm....thinks that make you go hmmmm.....
hobbz
Monday, January 26, 2009
finally recovered from the flu...
So since my last post I spent about 3 weeks with the flu from Hell! Ick. Hence I've been rather lax with my blogging on all fronts. I still have a cough but the fever, aches and general exhaustion seem to have left the body. So I'm back!
Thanks to ALL who left the awesome comments on my last entry. I've since then gained some perspective on the situation. I had already come to the conclusion that surgery is too extreme for me at this point...but all your points are totally valid, and well received. I've finished my trial of Mirapax to help with the restless legs and I'm elated to report that I think it's making a big difference in my sleep. I actually wake up because I've been in the same position too long,and that is unheard of for me! Usually I travel all over the bed and beat up my husband in the process. Now that I'm over the flu, I'm also noticing that I'm not as exhausted all the time. It's hard to tell though if that's just the ebb and flow of the fibro or that there is a difference with taking the meds. So we'll see how I feel in a couple of months.
I feel like I have a better perspective on things at this point and I know that part of that is not being so damn exhausted all the time. It makes life seem so much more livable when you have energy. I know that sounds totally idiotic, but it really is true, and when you are living in constant pain and exhaustion your reality becomes about the negatives and what you don't have, or can't do. Once some of the pain and tiredness go away...life looks completely different. No wonder I take drugs for depression....lol....I'm all over the map, as evidenced by my blogging. :)
What I know at this point is that I've started eating better and I'm more alert and able to function better mentally. Physically I'm trying to get moving more, but no major progress in that area yet. It's on my radar though and I hope to get into a schedule over the next couple of weeks that improves my exercise. I have to pace myself or I know my body will wage a revolution of biblical proportions and I'll fall flat on my face....wish me luck.
I hope everyone out there is feeling OK and that you all are able to have a modicum of joy in your life each day.
take good care!
hobbz
Thanks to ALL who left the awesome comments on my last entry. I've since then gained some perspective on the situation. I had already come to the conclusion that surgery is too extreme for me at this point...but all your points are totally valid, and well received. I've finished my trial of Mirapax to help with the restless legs and I'm elated to report that I think it's making a big difference in my sleep. I actually wake up because I've been in the same position too long,and that is unheard of for me! Usually I travel all over the bed and beat up my husband in the process. Now that I'm over the flu, I'm also noticing that I'm not as exhausted all the time. It's hard to tell though if that's just the ebb and flow of the fibro or that there is a difference with taking the meds. So we'll see how I feel in a couple of months.
I feel like I have a better perspective on things at this point and I know that part of that is not being so damn exhausted all the time. It makes life seem so much more livable when you have energy. I know that sounds totally idiotic, but it really is true, and when you are living in constant pain and exhaustion your reality becomes about the negatives and what you don't have, or can't do. Once some of the pain and tiredness go away...life looks completely different. No wonder I take drugs for depression....lol....I'm all over the map, as evidenced by my blogging. :)
What I know at this point is that I've started eating better and I'm more alert and able to function better mentally. Physically I'm trying to get moving more, but no major progress in that area yet. It's on my radar though and I hope to get into a schedule over the next couple of weeks that improves my exercise. I have to pace myself or I know my body will wage a revolution of biblical proportions and I'll fall flat on my face....wish me luck.
I hope everyone out there is feeling OK and that you all are able to have a modicum of joy in your life each day.
take good care!
hobbz
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